A breakup might feel like death. In the blink of an eye, you can go from being blissfully pleased to losing both a lover and a friend. How do you keep from being cynical after finally allowing love into your heart just to have it shattered in your face? Here are five measures to help you get on with your life.
Permission to Grieve
Cry as much as you need to, as frequently as you need to. Scream into a pillow if you don’t want to be heard. If you need to, wallow in your grief. We place far too much pressure on ourselves to be fine immediately following a breakup. Although it may appear to be the typically powerful thing to do, you may be putting yourself at a disadvantage.
Kristie Overstreet, Ph.D., psychotherapist, and clinical sexologist, believes that we must treat ourselves with care to heal. She also recommends being patient with ourselves by allowing ourselves to remain in a state of loss and despair. Don’t waste your emotional energy telling yourself that you shouldn’t be feeling this way or that you just need to get over it.
It’s easier to be upset than to see the big picture when you’re going through a bad breakup. Instead of realizing that people grow and change, we wallow in our rage. It’s upsetting to discover that someone you care about hasn’t progressed in the same way you have, but realizing that we only have a little amount of influence over the future is the first step toward moving on after a split.
Honor the Relationship After a Breakup
Appreciate it for what it was if it was a healthy relationship. “To excuse the end of a relationship, people often try to tear a person down or say the connection was terrible,” Goldstein says. Instead of lingering on the negative aspects of heartbreak, choose to focus on the positive things you may learn from it. A breakup will demonstrate your resiliency and remind you that you are capable of surviving anything.
Don’t be afraid to write down anything you’re thinking or feeling at this moment. Will you tear your eyes out the entire time? Probably. However, writing it down and letting it go will be a cathartic experience. According to one website, you should also write yourself a note to remind yourself of your blessings, how amazing you are (really, don’t forget it), and everything beautiful that lies ahead for you.
Forgive yourself after the breakup. There’s no guilt in breaking up with someone, even if you weren’t the one who did it. Rejection is the one thing that may knock you off your pedestal when you’re striving to be an empowered woman. It’ll make you feel sick to your stomach, but don’t let it break you. Instead of succumbing to the impulse to isolate yourself, surround yourself with people who love you.